In my freshman year of high school, I began writing my debut novel, previously titled The Dragon’s Treasure on Wattpad, of all places. I had written a “book” before in 8th grade, but that was technically a school assignment. This, though, was something I had chosen to do thanks to an idea I’m sure was given to me by God.
In my sophomore year of high school, my mom asked me if I was interested in being a beta reader. That was the first time I had heard the term and I learned it meant that I would read a book and give my thoughts to the author before it was published. I was reluctant to accept, but Mom said the would-be author was her friend and Bible study leader, Beckie Lindsey. Even though I’m not a fan of contemporary fiction, I felt compelled by the Spirit to become a beta reader. There was something about the request that I just couldn’t say no to. When I took on the role, I suspected nothing more than to read the book, write down notes as I went, and send the notes to Beckie through an email. But once I finished it, she wanted to talk with me in person.
We met in a local Starbucks. I was nervous, obviously. This was a woman I had never met before, and a real writer. I didn’t want to say anything that would offend her. I didn’t want to say she could improve in some areas because I didn’t want to come off like I knew everything. It’s very hard for me to read expressions, so when Beckie’s face shifted in the middle of me giving her my notes, I feared the worst. She shook her head incredulously, looked between me and my Mom, and asked, “Wait, wait. Are you a writer?”
I didn’t know how to answer. Sure, I had written stories before, but nothing like what she had done. The most I had ever written was the first draft of The Dragon Liberator: Escapade, and I was ridiculously embarrassed of my lack of experience. It wasn’t true that I was a full-blown writer, at least not in my mind, but I had written something. I simply replied with, “A little.”
Typing this now, after having just finished her series last night, I am reminded of just how much that first meeting with Beckie meant to me. Her main protagonists–four high school girls who become friends despite their differences–were constantly hanging out in their local coffee shop, The Grind. Whether they were there for hours or for a couple minutes just to catch up, they always found themselves in that building. I wonder now if Beckie chose to invite me to that Starbucks because she loved coffeehouses, or if she invited me there because she knew this meeting was going to be special. If that little nudge the Holy Spirit gave me to read her books was noticeable for me, a constant prodigal child, then it was no doubt obvious for Beckie, a woman whose faith knew no bounds. She probably didn’t know why that meeting would be special, why God brought us into each other’s lives, until she asked me that question.
Faith is a strange thing. At times my faith has made me feel safe no matter what happened and other times my faith made me feel like a flag holding onto its pole in the middle of a storm. There are several times in my life where I was unsure of what God wanted me to do. But, when Beckie asked me if I wanted to join her critique group, I knew God wanted me to say yes.
But, I wanted to say no. I was embarrassed of my writing, my ideas, my characters, my world building, everything. I didn’t talk about my writing much because I feared if people knew I was writing they would want to read it, and then they would be disappointed in my lack of experience. I wanted to tell Beckie no, because joining a critique group meant she would read every word, and she would have criticisms. But I knew I would be wrong to refuse.
The next couple of years flew by with me going to critique group once every two weeks, always on a Tuesday, and always worried that I was going to hear about how much the other ladies hated my story. I was always wrong. The other members were older than me with the youngest being in her twenties and the rest being in their forties or older. We all wrote different genres and it seemed as though I was most of these ladies’ first introduction to fantasy. They never ran short in compliments, and I almost never believed them. I was a high schooler, after all. How good could I really be? I would tell myself “I know my story has problems. They just can’t see them because they don’t read fantasy. They don’t see how awful my book truly is.”
I didn’t have confidence in my abilities back then, something I still struggle with, and because of that I didn’t give as much critiquing advice as I wanted to. While reading Beckie’s books for the first time since she passed, I couldn’t help but feel like I should have done better by her. I should have gave her more input. I should have spoken my mind more. I wanted and still want her books to be perfect, but they’re already done. It’s been seven years since I first met Beckie, and every time I saw her I learned something new about writing and faith. I wish that back then I had the experience and confidence that I do now. But even still, her books are pretty good. I’m just a harsh critic, especially of myself.
Beckie was my biggest cheerleader. Even when we couldn’t meet up because of quarantine restrictions or because of her sickness, she always pushed me to seek publication. She believed in my story and she knew people would love it if only they knew it existed. I know now more than ever that God gave me that nudge to be a beta reader so Beckie and I could be in each other’s lives, if only for a handful of years.
Beckie passed from stage 4 ovarian cancer in March 2024. She was diagnosed in January 2021, 1 year after her brother and sister-in-law passed in a car accident. She dedicated her fourth and final book to them, saying “See you soon.” When she wrote that, I don’t think she understood just how soon “soon” would be. Beckie was a fighter. She wasn’t afraid to admit that the cancer and chemo were weighing on her, but her faith was stronger. She touched so many lives while she was on earth, and I believe that it was part of God’s plan for her and me to work with and encourage each other.
I reread her books in an effort to find something to remember her by, and it wasn’t hard to do so. While writing her series, Beckie often told me how she was a lot like Krystal, one of the main four characters, when she was a teen due to her cynicism and sarcastic personality. But in her wisdom, her nurturing, and her faith I see her as Lauren, the central mentor figure. I wish I had told her that when she was still here.
Beckie loved Jesus, her family, coffee, and cats, all in that order. Her personality is all over these books, and so is the message she worked so hard to put out: we are all God’s children, no one is too broken to be saved, and we are all beautiful.
I don’t know how far my voice will reach, but if you’re a teen or perhaps you know a teen, I think you should check out her work! All four of Beckie’s books are available at Amazon under the series title “Beauties From Ashes” and the last three books of her series are available at Barnes & Noble. I’d like to share the synopsis of the first book, Secrets, with you:
“Mackenzie is the shy, awkward new girl at school, depressed and desperate for a real friend. When she stumbles upon the deepest secret of a sarcastic, angry-at-the-world track star, Krystal, they become instant enemies–especially about the flirtatious baseball player, Bryce.
Tammi, a gloomy singer/musician who couldn’t care less about what others think of her, meets Sadie, a dancer and a people-pleaser with a cotton candy disposition. They have nothing in common until their lives begin to collide in more ways than one.
As the girls’ worlds begin to converge, their secrets rather than their similarities draw them together. Meanwhile, all that’s kept hidden has left them vulnerable to a battle in an invisible realm where demonic creatures fight to keep the girls chained to their pasts while angels of light work to free them.
Can good ever come from evil? Can beauty ever arise from ashes?”
“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.”
Isaiah 61:3, NLT
Beckie’s books were all about overcoming our flaws and insecurities through community. It takes time, and I’m still battling with mine, but I am nowhere near as scared to share my stories as I was eight years ago. I know that’s all thanks to Beckie, and to God for bringing her into my life.
That’s all from me for now. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time here. I pray that you have an amazing day, week, month, and beyond.
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